Dwarf Tea!

May. 11th, 2014 03:47 pm
barnabas_truman: (dwarf)
Types of tea that sound like monsters from Dwarf Fortress:

The deep oolong is a colossal creature that dwells in underground lakes, pale, hairless, and nearly blind, shaped something like a seal and something like a worm.

The melon oolong is a smaller domesticated relative of the deep oolong; its name comes from the Elven word for "friend."

The orange pekoe a brightly colored jungle bird that can learn to mimic the speech of sentient creatures.

The golden pu-erh is a small flightless dragon with metallic yellow scales.

The Lapsang Souchon are diminutive gnomes with dark skin and great wisdom. They live solitary lives in rock huts on mountaintops, contemplating the stars and making maps which they sell to travelers.

The rooibo is a giant tan-colored rat with powerful hind legs built for jumping and a pouch in her belly to carry her young.

(Feel free to challenge me with other tea names.)
barnabas_truman: (dwarf)
1) Every automated system needs a manual OFF switch.

2) Every fluid intake pipe needs a way to be closed remotely.

3) Every fluid storage reservoir needs a drain that can be opened remotely.

4) All of these switches should be located at an elevation well above the fluid itself.

5) Anything that is going to be, or MIGHT be, anywhere near magma needs to be made entirely of steel or bauxite.
barnabas_truman: (dwarf)
Today I finally saw The Hobbit. Overall it was great fun.

Every moment of the flashback to the halls within the Lonely Mountain made me proud, so very proud, to be a Dwarf.

Every moment of the unexpected party made me smile and think "Truly, these are my people."

The portrayal of Radagast was both amusing and impressive. If he's going to show up in the second and third films, I look forward to seeing what else a wizard who can command the beasts of the field can do in the hands of imaginative writers. Also Beorn.

There was really only one thing that genuinely bothered me... did the special effects team just forget that elven swords are supposed to glow blue when there are orcs nearby?
barnabas_truman: (dwarf)
Everyone knows, of course, that Father Christmas gives presents and candy and oranges to good children, and lumps of coal to bad children. Children that are not particularly naughty but merely somewhat annoying get onions. And if you are really naughty, Father Christmas's henchman Svaarte Petter will come to your house at night, put you in a sack, and haul you off to SPAIN, where you will be forced to wash dishes in a second-rate paella restaurant.

Your only hope of escape is to be rescued by the Basque Resistance. To contact them, you must put extra spices in the paella when the head chef is not watching; the strong smell will attract the attention of Basque Resistance agents. If they succeed in breaking you out, they will help you flee to their secret mountain stronghold in the Pyrenees. You should return the favor by spending some time looking after their sheep and helping them construct hang glider frames out of aluminum framework and wool canvas.

Where do they get the aluminum, you ask? They trade mutton for aluminum with the Sub-Pyrenean Dwarves (whom they also hired to build their strongholds).

And now you want to know why the Basque Resistance needs hang gliders? They use them to swoop down from their mountain strongholds to steal Spanish sheep (and rescue naughty children).

This is the REAL TRUE STORY of CHRISTMAS and should be shared with all tinies you meet. Just in case.
barnabas_truman: (dwarf)
"Here, try this one. It's a deep oolong."

*slurp* "Hrm."

"What do you think?"

"I think 'deep oolong' sounds like a monster you'd find in the caves in Dwarf Fortress."
barnabas_truman: (dwarf)
Here's a list of the most recent updates to the upcoming new version:
  • allowed skilled potters to make good crafts on par with other skilled workers
  • stopped meat cleaver and other inappropriate tools from acting as containers
  • stopped bees and vermin from being assignable to pastures
  • made penned animal interface indicate animals' current situation the same way cages/chains do
  • stopped dwarves from encrusting honeycombs with jewels etc.
  • stopped mason from using clay for tables etc.
  • stopped shearing/milking/pasture/cage jobs from fighting with each other
  • hive product collection from removing the hive's building tag
  • stopped megabeasts from coming back to life and continuing to kill people
  • fixed problem where alpaca wool was not treated as wool
  • adjusted overinflated bee values
  • stone stockpiles now include a clay category and some irrelevant materials were excluded
  • added wax cake to pressed material list in stockpiles
  • added wax option to finished goods stockpile
  • stopped dwarves from trying to clean up wax cakes in stockpiles
  • stopped regrow from adding extra grass types on a tile
  • made it select the zone under the cursor zone properly when you enter zone mode
  • one of the text exports no longer lists 0 population domestic animals everywhere
  • added egg yolk/white liquid densities, fixed name error there

What other game would include an "adjusted overinflated bee values" update? This is awesome indeed.
barnabas_truman: (dwarf)
"Amxu Kutsmobmogoz, Farmer, cancels Attend Party: Interrupted by zombie mountain goat."
barnabas_truman: (kimiko)
After a couple of weeks of experimenting with other colonies, I have returned to Leromrigòth. After two seasons of careful preparations I've cracked open the Hellpit once more, but this time my military is ready for it.

Especially Besmar the Champion Marksdwarf, who wields Holywraths the Legendary Aluminum Crossbow. She shot two well-made iron bolts at the first fire demon to emerge from the Hellpit. The first bolt hit the demon's right leg with enough force to tear it off; the second bolt severed the demon's head.

Yeah. Wow. I didn't even know crossbows could do that, let alone to a demon.

Edit: the next three demons have been literally torn in half by Besmar's crossbow bolts. Other than worrying that she'd run out of bolts, I hardly think I even need the rest of my military.
barnabas_truman: (dwarf)
Spring 1064: an elven caravan, a goblin siege, ballistae on the roof, and more legendary underwear )

Summer 1064: a human caravan, an elven diplomat, goblin ambushes, and a legendary spear )

Autumn 1064: another goblin siege, the Queen behaves strangely one last time, and the ballista crew doesn't accomplish much )

Winter 1064: gatehouse remodelling, YET ANOTHER goblin siege, and a Titaness attack )

By the beards of our ancestors! We've hardly even begun to bring in the goblin junk from the siege, and suddenly we have another unwelcome visitor! The titaness Ofa Nanothathanemo has come to demolish our fortress! She stood atop a hill to the northwest for a while, surveying the area, but now she's on the move, striding with huge footsteps towards the gatehouse.

What amazing good fortune! She's fallen into one of our cage traps! Those were a GREAT idea.

Speaking of cage traps, the forges have finally churned out enough cages to reload ALL of the traps. The marksdwarves continue practicing archery with goblinbone bolts, and Kivish the marksdwarf has just given birth to a baby boy, Shorast Thocitkol right in the archery range! The engineers have been training on the practice catapults as well.

The rest of winter has passed us by uneventfully. We're gradually making the stockpiles a little more orderly. The miners had to expand the food storage room again, as we continue to have a HUGE surplus. In fact we've grown so many sunberries that the entire fortress could last six months drinking nothing but sunshine! Throw rum into the mix and we'll have enough for the other half of the year as well.
barnabas_truman: (dwarf)
This isn't really important enough to go in the fortress logbook, but it's too cute not to mention somewhere:

The farm had a huge crop of sunberries ready for the picking, but the farmers were busy planting more seeds in the other farm, so I changed the settings from "only farmers harvest" to "all dwarves harvest," then went elsewhere to take care of some other business.

When I next looked at the farm I saw the farm area filled with 13 of the fortress's 20 dwarf children: presumably, having nothing better to do, they decided to scurry through the access tunnel, giggling all the way, grab a handful of sunberries each, and race back to the food stockpile to dump them into barrels.

Hazel comments that in the real world this sort of "harvesting" typically ends with barrels no fuller than they were before, children not hungry for dinner, and little shirts and faces covered in sunberry juice.
barnabas_truman: (dwarf)
Spring 1063: construction projects, elves, goblins, and a strangely-behaving Queen. )

Summer 1063: a tragic plumbing accident, a new mayor, human merchants, a legendary crystal mug, and the Queen continues behaving strangely. )

Autumn 1063: a caravan from the Mountainhomes, a legendary turtleshell ring, and ominous engravings foreshadowing a Doom in the depths. )

Winter 1063: peace and quiet. And an overly adventurous wild goat. )

In military news, Deler Razesiden--once an immigrant craftsdwarf--has, with incredible practice, become a Hammer Lord, and taken command of his squad. The siege engineers have also put their skills to use by making four practice catapults behind the gatehouse, so that they can practice their aim and speed by hurling rubble harmlessly at a nearby rock wall. Eventually, once they're good enough, we'll station them on top of the gatehouse with ballistae!
barnabas_truman: (dwarf)
A safer path to the adamantine, a new minimum-security rehabilitation facility, unexpected death and madness, an emergency election, a HUGE goblin invasion, the best crossbow in the whole world, and a rather silly dragon.

Autumn 1062 )

Winter 1062 )
barnabas_truman: (dwarf)
An argument with the elves, two caravans, a siege, a dangerously picky dowager baroness, and a horrifying surprise in the depths

Spring 1062 )

Early Summer 1062 (NOTE: This contains what most players would consider spoilers.) )
barnabas_truman: (dwarf)
A year with many visitors: more nobles, more immigrants, two caravans, a genuine goblin invasion, and a hulking monstrosity from the beginning of time!

Spring 1061 )

Summer 1061 )

Autumn 1061 )

Winter 1061 )
barnabas_truman: (dwarf)
A legendary mask, the Baron arrives, the goblins fail at attacking, the Baron departs, a better new farm, axedwarves-in-training, and... legendary dwarven boxer shorts?

Spring 1060 )

Summer 1060 )

Autumn 1060 )

Winter 1060 )

Fikod has finished his project. It is Kel Gidur ("The Metal of Memories"), a pair of silk... braies?... which he explains is essentially a pair of lightweight knee-length trousers to be worn under one's normal trousers. Some sort of clothing popular with the humans, apparently. This "braies" is indeed very well made, dyed midnight blue, and adorned with hanging rings of silk. On the, um, front center there is an embroidered picture of the lobstershell mask that Èrith made last spring. Humans have strange taste in clothing indeed.

Tirist the peasant has given birth to another baby girl, Thîkut Óratír.

The new farm area is complete! It's a large rectangular room, big enough to fit four full-size farm plots, just above our main food storage area on the residential level. There's a large floodgate separating it from our artificial river, controlled by a lever--when the lever is pulled, the gate will open, flooding the room with water. A second lever will open floor hatches draining to the bottomless chasm, removing the water and leaving muddy floor suitable for farming.

In the meantime, our miners and engravers have carved out a lovely bedroom and dining room for the dowager baroness, complete with a masterwork bed and golden furniture. She is quite pleased. Likewise, the quarters for the hammerer and tax collector are carved out and properly detailed, and are only awaiting sufficient golden furniture to be manufactured. A rich vein of gold near the old farm site is providing plenty of gold at the moment.

The beverage crisis has been averted for now. Our brewers have made plenty of delicious wine from the strawberries, sunberries, and plump helmets grown at the old farm site over the last few seasons; we should have sufficient surplus to last us until the new farm starts production.
barnabas_truman: (dwarf)
1059: a new farm in an old cave, goblin ambushers, an attack by a mythic beast, and an aqueduct

Spring 1059 )

Summer 1059 )

Autumn 1059 )

Winter 1059 )

The mechanic has pulled the lever...

Water flows in just as expected. A little slowly, but it works. We'll close the floodgates again for now until we get the dining room a little more prepared. Tosid had the great idea of forging three aluminum statues of triumphant marksdwarves to be installed under the waterfall; it should look very majestic!
barnabas_truman: (dwarf)
Spring 1057 )

Summer 1057 )

Autumn 1057 )

Winter 1057 )

And the fire imps are defeated! Our brave marksdwarves, better organized this time felled the other two without any further casualties. No more dwarves will be burned by their fearsome fireballs!
barnabas_truman: (dwarf)
Summer 1056 )

Autumn 1056 )

Winter 1056 )

This is too much. We must destroy the fire imps and take the magma pipe as soon as possible. The two remaining marksdwarves are now practicing archery and martial arts full-time, while Tosid forges them full suits of iron plate. As soon as they are ready, we move on the magma pipe. Axes high!


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