barnabas_truman

Legolas and Gimli sat by the campfire, watching it sputter as the snowfall grew stronger.

"Alas!" cried Legolas, "It is a lonely thing to be the only elf for leagues around."

Gimli poked the fire with a stick. "Hm. At least you'll get to see some of your kin when we reach Lothlorien. Since leaving Rivendell I seem to be the only dwarf in this entire story."

Legolas tried to force a cheery expression. "But surely your cousins will welcome us to Moria!" It wasn't working.

"You've read the books too. You know as well as I do that they're all dead."

"Books? What books?" The elf glanced nervously left and right. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, shove off," said Gimli, rolling his eyes. "The narrator isn't watching us anyway. He's focused entirely on the humans and hobbits. As usual."

Legolas looked behind him to see the others pointing dramatically at different parts of the map and arguing excitedly, paying no attention to the two of them.

"I suppose you're right," he sighed. "We're nothing but Tolkien minorities."

"If you're already good at piano, how difficult is it to transition to piano accordion?"

"I'd say it'd be a bit of a stretch."

"Hey Dad, I have an ornithology question for you."

"Okay, go ahead."

"What kind of bird is black and orange and catches flies but does not eat them?"

*laughs* "Is this a joke?"

"Mayyyyyybe."

"Black and orange and catches flies but does not eat them..."

"Yeah."

"Baltimore Oriole."


Can't get nothin' past my dad.

"Okay, so galley #5 is sailing to Tripoli, and buying two crates of spices."

"Tripoli is under my control, so six ducats please."

"Six? You mean two!"

"No, we tripolled our prices. Wo ho ho ho."


(The game in question is Serenissima, one of our favorites.)

Adams: We should do the thing!
Everybody: No, John.
Adams: But it's important!
Everybody: No, John.

Adams: Hey Jefferson, tell them they should do the thing.
Jefferson: I'm busy.
Adams: But it's important.
Jefferson: Boring.
Adams: But morality! Posterity! Doing the right thing!
Jefferson: *sigh* Okayyyyyyy.

Jefferson: We should do the thing.
Everybody: Hell yes!

Adams: That was great! Thank you so much!
Jefferson: Whatever. I'm going back to Monticello; come get me when the country needs a president that isn't you.

Ron Weasley walked into the Gryffindor common room, carrying a cardboard box tied with twine. "A package from my family!" he announced. "I wonder what it could be?"

"Allow me," said Harry Potter. He took the package, whispered something to it, held it up to his ear for a moment, and confidently stated "A new sweater and a tin of biscuits."

"How did you know that?" asked Ron, perplexed.

"I asked it, and it told me."

"You can do that??"

"Of course. Parceltongue."

When our view of the Sun is obscured by Mercury or Venus, we call it a transit.

When our view of the Sun is obscured by the Moon, we call it an eclipse.

When our view of the sun is obscured by the Earth, we call it a night.

I made some typography puns! Everyone loves typography puns!

Far away on the planet Sodor V, Michael the Maglev sped through the air just above his tracks.

Michael was carrying a very special cargo. It was a crate of medical supplies, and Michael was delivering it to a needy frontier town.

But what's this, up in the sky? It's Serenity the Spaceship! Look out, Michael!

Highlight of the inaugural episode of the Star Trek game:

The brash young human helmsman had been making "That's what she said!" jokes intermittently since the crew first arrived on the starship. Responses: giggling from the Cygnan chief engineer, a gruff "I don't know what you're talking about" from the Andorian commander, and a stoically confused "Who is 'she'?" from the Vulcan weapons officer.

Much later, the commander got into an argument with a more experienced officer about proper safety protocol for testing new combat tactics, and said "I can see that we have very different ideas about experimentation!"

The Vulcan responded, in complete deadpan, "That is what she said."

...and, as the rest of the crew cracked up, "Was that correct? Did I do it right?"