barnabas_truman: (Default)
"If you're already good at piano, how difficult is it to transition to piano accordion?"

"I'd say it'd be a bit of a stretch."
barnabas_truman: (Default)
Me: [plays slow mournful waltz]

Her: "I think I finally figured out why it sounds mournful when you play waltzes!"

Me: "Oh?"

Her: "You play them straight; you don't throw in all the ornamentations."

Me: "Reeeeeally." [plays classic waltz "Shebeg & Shemore" with ALL THE ORNAMENTS]

Her: "That had more ornaments than notes!"

Me: "That's how you WIN at pennywhistle!"
barnabas_truman: (oldstyle)
"What's that movie with Lady Gryffindor and the owl?"

"Um... the entire Harry Potter series?"

"No, the other one! With the fakey owl!"

"Fakey owl?"

"And all the other people up on Olympus!"

"...Is it possible you mean Clash of the Titans?"

"Yeah, that one!"
barnabas_truman: (army)
"Why would anybody want a square pan?"

"It heats up faster."

"Why would it heat up faster?"

"The corners are already 90 degrees."
barnabas_truman: (army)
"Hey Dad, I have an ornithology question for you."

"Okay, go ahead."

"What kind of bird is black and orange and catches flies but does not eat them?"

*laughs* "Is this a joke?"


"Black and orange and catches flies but does not eat them..."


"Baltimore Oriole."

Can't get nothin' past my dad.
barnabas_truman: (army)
"Here, hold this broccoli."


"And this other broccoli."


*puts broccolis on head*

*waits patiently for her to turn around and see*

"What are you doing with the broccoli??"

"They're antlers."

"What? Why antlers??"

"Because they are solid and will soon fall off. If they were hollow and permanent, they would be horns. Science!"

barnabas_truman: (kimiko)
"Would you liiiiiike... oatmeal for Valentine's Day? Because it is healthy? And I care about your health?"

"Um... no thank you."

"How about oatmeal fudge?"

"Like raw oatmeal stirred into the fudge? That might be interesting to try."

"No, cooked."

"Maybe not then."
barnabas_truman: (young whistler)
"Can we count imaginary velociraptors as dependents on our tax forms?"
barnabas_truman: (army)
"It's basically shaped like a snal."

"What's a snal?"

"A snal is a snek with a shell."

"I thought a snek with a shell would be a turtle."

"A turtle would be more a leezard with a shell. No wait, a tortoise is a leezard with a... with a mobile home. A turtle is a leezard with a houseboat."
barnabas_truman: (oldstyle)
"Okay, so galley #5 is sailing to Tripoli, and buying two crates of spices."

"Tripoli is under my control, so six ducats please."

"Six? You mean two!"

"No, we tripolled our prices. Wo ho ho ho."

(The game in question is Serenissima, one of our favorites.)
barnabas_truman: (army)
"Are there any puns about Arthurian legend?"

"Hm... Oh! I've got one: who made all the musical instruments for King Arthur's minstrels?"


"Luthier Pendragon!"

[awkward pause]

"I don't get it.

"Arthur's father was Uther Pendragon. I thought that was common knowledge?"


"Aw, do I have a twisted idea of what 'common knowledge' is because I grew up with Arthurian legends?"

barnabas_truman: (dwarf)
"So what kind of Dungeons & Dragons character would I be?"

"I think you're the cheery innkeeper who secretly has connections all over the place and knows everybody and has access to hidden resources that nobody else knows about."

"Neat! And what about you?"

"I'm the semi-retired wizard who rents a room in the attic above your tavern and tutors adventurers in theory of magic."

"The attic?"

"Yeah. Wizards are supposed to live in towers, but I really like this tavern, so I just moved in to the top room, because technically that counts as a tower."
barnabas_truman: (young whistler)
"Do a search for Bach chorales."

*click click click*
"Hm. Looks like there's quite a lot of them."


"No, Bach."
barnabas_truman: (young whistler)
"Hummingbirds are so tiny. They make their nests out of tiny leaves and bits of lichen and moss and hold them together with strands of spiderweb."

"Are we sure they're not actually faeries? That totally sounds like something a faerie would do."
barnabas_truman: (young whistler)
"I wonder if lemon tapioca pudding is a thing."

"There's only one way to find out!"

"You're right! I could go make some!"

"I meant looking it up on ChowHound."

*click click click*

"Oh hey look! Recipes for lemon tapioca pudding! Do you know what this means?"

"That you're not the only one who has had this crazy crazy idea?"
barnabas_truman: (young whistler)
"See, George Washington is basically just like George Bush, because George Washington chopped down the cherry tree, which made it into a cherry bush, so George Bush!"

"Rrrrrrrriiiiiight. Welp, good luck on your AP US History test."
barnabas_truman: (young whistler)
"So do you know what xanthophyll does?"

"I know it's... yellow."

"Yes, and?"

"Aaaaaaaaaaand it's in plants."

"Very good. And do you know why we see it in leaves in the fall?"

"Becaaaaaauuuuuuuuse... it's all that's left after the chlorophyll flies south for the winter?"


"Ooh, that's the 'you were so close but then you ruined it' face, isn't it?"
barnabas_truman: (army)
[putting flannel sheets on the bed]

"Pull it all the way up so I can have my flannel castle."

"...or 'flannastle,' as they are called."

"I was going to say 'flansel.'"

"No, the flans'l is the sail on the flanmast of a ship."


"Yeah. It's kinda wobbly though."

"Why is it wobbly?"

"Because it is made of flan."

"I do not wish to join your navy."
barnabas_truman: (young whistler)
"Could you hand me my measuring... um..." *points*

*holds up rolling pin* "This?

"Yeah, that. Measuring rolling pin."

"It *could* be a measuring rolling pin if you sent it through college."

"Uh, why?"

"Because when it's finished it would be a graduated cylinder."
barnabas_truman: (army)
"Well, you know the old proverb--when the only tool you have is a sewing machine stuck in buttonhole mode, every problem in the world looks like a buttonhole."

"That is not a proverb!"


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