barnabas_truman

"Neat! My dinner has three nightshades."

"Collect 'em all!"

"Um…"

"Well, okay, yeah, don't collect 'em all. That would probably be a bad idea for dinner."

"So, about Tennessee…"

"Or Elevenessee, if we're using linguistic inflation."

"No linguistic inflation."

"It's a Victor Borge joke, you see."

"We do not have Victor Borge jokes in this household, fwiss-pwt"

"Well that settles that, then!"

"So the kelpie and the rusalka are both trying to lure you into the water?"

"Yup."

"But then they get into fisticuffs arguing over which one gets to drown you?"

"Sure. And that's when you make your getaway!"

"Okay, but that's in gigawatt-hours per year, so we're gonna have to divide by hours in a year to get gigawatts."

"How many hours are in a year?"

"Quick! Sing that song from Rent and then divide by sixty!"

"So there is cake. It is up for grabs. And don't ALL the cake, but also don't NOT the cake."

"Right. I shan'tn't the cake."

"Shan'tn't??"

"Yeah. Shan't not. Shan'tn't."

"I despise that contraction."

"So. Gulf of California. Are there ferries or bridges or what? Or do you have to drive the long way around?"

"Hm, not sure. Seems way too wide for a bridge, and fairies are more of a European folklore thing than a Central American folklore thing."

(warning: includes Tortilla Flat spoiler, in case anyone cares)

"Tortilla Flat? I liked that one. Very interesting story. Except for the sudden twist downer ending out of nowhere for no reason because Steinbeck. Other than that it's pretty good."

"Errrgh. Yeah, that's why I avoid Steinbeck."

"Yeah. It's a great story if you stop at the second to last chapter."

"What happens in the last chapter? Everybody dies?"

"Nnnnnno, not everybody. Just the main character. Gets drunk and falls off a cliff in the final chapter, if I remember correctly."

"Huh. Well, there's a lesson to be learned here."

"Avoid Steinbeck?"

"I think that's just G C G D there."

"But that's the end of a section, so that's time for the two measures of fancy quick chord progression!"

"You are playing chordal accompaniment, not melody."

"Aw."

"But sometimes chordal accompaniment can pretend it's melody by playing lots of chords really fast!"

"Hooray!"

"Why are carrots orange?"

"Carrots are orange because they are the same species as oranges. If you plant the seed right-side-up, it grows upward as an orange tree. If you plant it upside-down, it grows downward and becomes a carrot."

"What??"

"This is also why carrots don't have seeds. They grow from upside-down orange seeds instead."

"What about purple carrots?"

"That's what you get if you plant a plum seed upside-down."

[looking at map] "So here's Bum Palace…"

"…You mean Buckingham Palace?"

"Yeah."

"Did you just pronounce it Bum Palace??"

"Yeah, the 'uckingha' is silent. Isn't that how British place-name pronunciation works?"

—————

"So what's that waterway?"

"Saint James Park. Or maybe Sinjim Park."

"But what's the waterway called?"

"Saint James Park Lake."

—————

"How do they get that checkerboard pattern in the lawn?"

"I think they mow it in stripes one way, and then in stripes the other way."

"Huh."

"It's basically just like weaving. Except grass. And also completely different."