barnabas_truman: (oldstyle)
"Neat! My dinner has three nightshades."

"Collect 'em all!"

"Um…"

"Well, okay, yeah, don't collect 'em all. That would probably be a bad idea for dinner."
barnabas_truman: (oldstyle)
"How do you spell Kazakhstan?"

"Well, it's the land of the Kazakhs, innit, so write Kazakh and then write Stan."

"Okay, but how do you spell Kazakh?"

"K-A-Z-A-K-H."

*typetype* "How do you know these things?"

"…Do other people *not* amuse themselves by looking up various cities and countries on Wikipedia and jumping straight to the Etymology section?"
barnabas_truman: (oldstyle)
"So, about Tennessee…"

"Or Elevenessee, if we're using linguistic inflation."

"No linguistic inflation."

"It's a Victor Borge joke, you see."

"We do not have Victor Borge jokes in this household, fwiss-pwt"

"Well that settles that, then!"
barnabas_truman: (dwarf)
[watching video of a big burly guy lifting heavy rocks at a Highland Games]

"He's doing a lot of lifting-with-his-back."

"Yeah, you see a lot of breaking of the usual rules at high-level competitions like this. The rules are so regular people don't hurt themselves accidentally."

"Ah, I see—this man is a professional; he's hurting himself on purpose!"
barnabas_truman: (oldstyle)
"So the kelpie and the rusalka are both trying to lure you into the water?"

"Yup."

"But then they get into fisticuffs arguing over which one gets to drown you?"

"Sure. And that's when you make your getaway!"
barnabas_truman: (army)
G: "Why did the potato cross the road?"

Me: "Hmmmmmmmm…"

G's camera: *snap* *snap* *snap*

Me: "Wait, did you just ask me that so you could get pictures of me looking thoughtful?"

G, guffawing: "I did! There is no reason why the potato crossed the road!"
barnabas_truman: (math)
"Okay, but that's in gigawatt-hours per year, so we're gonna have to divide by hours in a year to get gigawatts."

"How many hours are in a year?"

"Quick! Sing that song from Rent and then divide by sixty!"
barnabas_truman: (Default)
"So what would be the plural of portmanteau?"

"Portmanteaux. Or possibly portsmanteaux."

*wiggles left toe* "Port man toe."

"What?"

*wiggles right toe* "Starboard man toe."

"No!"
barnabas_truman: (Default)
"So there is cake. It is up for grabs. And don't ALL the cake, but also don't NOT the cake."

"Right. I shan'tn't the cake."

"Shan'tn't??"

"Yeah. Shan't not. Shan'tn't."

"I despise that contraction."
barnabas_truman: (army)
"The weird thing about giraffes is their nervous system."

"Their nervous system?"

"Yeah."

"Do giraffes *have* a nervous system?"

*pause*

"No. Giraffes do not have a nervous system. The entire interior of the giraffe is hollow. Nobody knows how they work."
barnabas_truman: (Default)
"So. Gulf of California. Are there ferries or bridges or what? Or do you have to drive the long way around?"

"Hm, not sure. Seems way too wide for a bridge, and fairies are more of a European folklore thing than a Central American folklore thing."
barnabas_truman: (Default)
"I'm trying to take refuge in audacity but I think the border might be closed."
barnabas_truman: (oldstyle)
(warning: includes Tortilla Flat spoiler, in case anyone cares)

"Tortilla Flat? I liked that one. Very interesting story. Except for the sudden twist downer ending out of nowhere for no reason because Steinbeck. Other than that it's pretty good."

"Errrgh. Yeah, that's why I avoid Steinbeck."

"Yeah. It's a great story if you stop at the second to last chapter."

"What happens in the last chapter? Everybody dies?"

"Nnnnnno, not everybody. Just the main character. Gets drunk and falls off a cliff in the final chapter, if I remember correctly."

"Huh. Well, there's a lesson to be learned here."

"Avoid Steinbeck?"
barnabas_truman: (oldstyle)
"Did you just… grab a handful of pasta?"

"Yup. Fistful of Noodles."

"I don't think I've heard of that movie. Must be a…"
*pause*
*sudden realization*
*wide-eyed gasp*
"…A SPAGHETTI WESTERN!!"

"No. Really no."

"The joke has arisen spontaneously from the will of the universe! It cannot be denied!"
barnabas_truman: (Default)
"I think that's just G C G D there."

"But that's the end of a section, so that's time for the two measures of fancy quick chord progression!"

"You are playing chordal accompaniment, not melody."

"Aw."

"But sometimes chordal accompaniment can pretend it's melody by playing lots of chords really fast!"

"Hooray!"
barnabas_truman: (Default)
"So what do you want to play next? New Bedford?"

"The whale-killing one?"

"Or we could play Call to Adventure instead."

"Nah, whale-killing is fine."

*pause*

"It really isn't though. I mean, there's a whole Star Trek movie about why it's not."
barnabas_truman: (army)
"Why are carrots orange?"

"Carrots are orange because they are the same species as oranges. If you plant the seed right-side-up, it grows upward as an orange tree. If you plant it upside-down, it grows downward and becomes a carrot."

"What??"

"This is also why carrots don't have seeds. They grow from upside-down orange seeds instead."

"What about purple carrots?"

"That's what you get if you plant a plum seed upside-down."
barnabas_truman: (dwarf)
"So when Brutus fled the Trojan War and ended up in England, he found the isle inhabited by hostile giants."

"Is this Brobdingnag?"

"No, that's from Gulliver's Travels, a peninsula on the west coast of the Americas."

"So… Alaska?"

"More California-ish, I think. Like if the San Francisco Bay was an outie instead of an innie."

"Wait, what??"

"Yeah, you know, because the Bay is the belly button of California."

*pause*

"I have honestly never heard that before."

"Neither have I."
barnabas_truman: (oldstyle)
[looking at map] "So here's Bum Palace…"

"…You mean Buckingham Palace?"

"Yeah."

"Did you just pronounce it Bum Palace??"

"Yeah, the 'uckingha' is silent. Isn't that how British place-name pronunciation works?"

—————

"So what's that waterway?"

"Saint James Park. Or maybe Sinjim Park."

"But what's the waterway called?"

"Saint James Park Lake."

—————

"How do they get that checkerboard pattern in the lawn?"

"I think they mow it in stripes one way, and then in stripes the other way."

"Huh."

"It's basically just like weaving. Except grass. And also completely different."
barnabas_truman: (oldstyle)
"This is a coronation teacup. It says SOUVENIR OF CORONATION right here on it."

"Whose coronation?"

"Elizabeth Regina Dos, Queen of England, Wales, and, um, let's say France."

*pause*

"Probably not France. I'm pretty sure we would've heard about that."

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